The plan was simple:
There was no plan.
The backup plan was even simpler:
The secret backup plan was decidedly less simple:
“Run away and let the rest of those chumps die.”
Suffice it to say, their expectations of victory were not high.
The Dragon of The Night was, by then, boiling the river with it’s river-boiling nose fumes
Whilst trying to think up a catchier name for its river-boiling nose fumes than river-boiling nose fumes.
Since it was facing the river,
The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon and The Night Dragon formed a semi-circle behind it,
Pretty much cornering the eleven billion foot tall, planet destroying monster of unspeakable death and destruction.
It hadn’t noticed their presence yet.
Despite the fact that it had earlier declared it to be “on.”
They didn’t have any guns or anything,
Which seemed pretty shortsighted,
But the creature was so big that satellites in low orbit were crashing into its head without bothering it much
So they figured guns wouldn’t make much of a difference.
The Night Dragon, seeing that none of his companions was going to suddenly shout “Eureka!” and start enacting an amazing plan, decided to force the issue.
The shouted “Eureka!” even though he didn’t have an amazing plan,
And started doing pretty much anything he could think off.
First he picked up a glass juice bottle that was on the ground near him,
Then he ran up to the Dragon of the Night,
Which was still not paying attention,
And broke the end off the bottle on the dragon’s scales.
The Dragon of the Night did not seem to be perturbed by this development.
The Night Dragon pressed his attack,
Climbing The Dragon of the Night’s scales
And stabbing it in said scales over and over with the broken bottle,
To little effect.
Meanwhile, The Night Dragon had stolen an abandoned helicopter
And started flying it around
While The Night Dragon, his passenger, leaned out the window
And threw volume after volume of the Oxford English Dictionary at The Dragon of the Night.
The Dragon of The Night seemed to notice that attack, at least,
For it took its head out of the river
And looked up at the helicopter with a look of general bemusement upon its enormous and terrifying face.
Before it could brutally murder the two The Night Dragons who were so misguidedly attacking it,
(It hadn’t noticed The Night Dragon slowly climbing its back, stabbing it over and over, yet)
The Night Dragon appeared,
As if from nowhere
At the helm of LEGENDARY DEMOLITION DERBY CHAMPION CAR The Night Dragon
Because of course the car was named The Night Dragon,
What else would you expect it to be named?
That’s not even a good name for a car,
Especially one that’s good at crashing into things backwards.
Which, incidentally, is what The Night Dragon did.
She crashed The Night Dragon, backwards, into The Dragon of The Night,
Which distracted it, thereby saving the lives of The Night Dragon and The Night Dragon.
So things were going about as well as anyone could have hoped.
The Dragon of The Night gave a mighty roar just then,
Because even though it wasn’t actually injured at all by all the piddly attacks,
It was still angry about the sheer presumptuousness of that group of puny mortals.
And wouldn’t you be?
But while it was distracting itself roaring,
The Night Dragon,
Who’d recently watched a bunch of superhero movies through some people’s windows
Whilst eating their garbage,
Decided to do an impression of the only superhero it had ever seen that shared a species with it,
Produced a rocket launcher as if from nowhere,
And shot an explosive rocket into The Dragon of the Night’s exposed and vulnerable underbelly.
The only problem was that “vulnerable” was, in this case, a relative term.
It was still pretty much impossible to harm.
So the rocket exploded and it didn’t amount to much.
It did manage to make The Dragon of The Night even angrier, though.
Which wasn’t nothing.