Reception(ist) of the Night Dragon(s)

Night Dragon

Things were going poorly.

The lava river had consumed the vast majority of The Night Dragons.

As a matter of fact, let’s just assume that all of them

Except for one (The Night Dragon)

Were thrown or dropped into the lava river

While you weren’t paying attention.

So now The Night Dragon was alone,

Face to face with the Dragon of the Night

Metaphorically, of course,

Because the Dragon of the Night’s face

Was like six hundred feet off the ground.

She knew that she was ultimately responsible for unleashing this unstoppable terror upon the world

Since she’d taken out cell service,

And she made no move to retreat

For she had accepted death.

And then she realized something!

And she made a move to retreat!

She made lots of moves to retreat,

Including hopping on a conveniently placed motorcycle

And driving on that motorcycle away from the Dragon of the Night

Who was temporarily distracted by the discovery of a series of satellites in geosynchronous orbit,

Which it was eating.

The Night Dragon drove all the way to The Night Dragon Power, Telephone, and Other Stuff Company offices

And she kicked down the front door

By crashing her motorcycle through it.

The receptionist walked over and helped her up,

Because the receptionist considered herself a nice person

And wouldn’t allow the shock of the motorcycle crash to stop her from helping a person.

Then The Night Dragon, who had a mild concussion,

Jumped to her feet

Despite the fact that she had already been helped to her feet

Which made her fall to the floor

After which she jumped (slowly) to her feet.

Then she told the receptionist to have someone fix the cell tower.

The receptionist blinked at her.

 

MEANWHILE

In the river of lava

SOMETHING

Was happening.

(The) Night(Dragon(s)) fall

The Dragon of the Night roared

Louder than all of the other times it roared

Because this time is was extra angry.

“Extra” probably wasn’t a strong enough word for how angry it was.

It was more like “super crazy angry.”

And the roar was so loud that The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon–basically all of The Night Dragons–were temporarily deafened.

The Night Dragon wasn’t, though, because it was a car.

Nor was The Night Dragon, because it was a river.

It was boiling, but it could never hear anything to begin with

So I wouldn’t say it was deaf.

The Night Dragon wasn’t either, because he had stolen earplugs earlier

Because he was a vampire

And vampires steal.

The Dragon of the Night started stomping around and junk

Because The Night Dragons were too small and insignificant for it to even find

Now that it was crying a little because it was so mad.

The stomping was so violent that it cracked open the earth

And the river, which was boiling anyways, fell into the giant chasm, onto an underground river of molten lava, and boiled way worse than before.

That poor, poor river.

The Dragon of the Night was being so mean to it.

The Night Dragon,

Who was still trying to stab The Dragon of the Night with a broken bottle like an idiot,

Couldn’t hold on while The Dragon of the Night was stomping around so violently

And so he fell into the molten lava river

Which was molten lava on account of all the ground above it had been smashed away

By The Dragon of the Night

So didn’t give me any of that magma crap.

Meanwhile, The Night Dragon and The Night Dragon were trying to save The Night Dragon from falling into the molten lava river,

By grabbing her arms and holding onto a tree and stuff

But it was hard to work together when you couldn’t communicate

Because you were temporarily deafened by the ridiculously loud roar from a few seconds earlier.

Also, it didn’t help that a helicopter crashed nearby (they totally didn’t hear it coming).

The explosion knocked the tree they were holding onto loose from its roots, and The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, and The Night Dragon tumbled over the side, down into the river of lava.

The previously mentioned explosion also launched The Night Dragon and The Night Dragon, who had been in the helicopter, down into the river of lava.

There were a lot of The Night Dragons in the river of lava just then.

But The Dragon of the Night wasn’t satisfied

Because, even after it threw The Night Dragon and The Night Dragon (the car) into the river,

It knew that there was still at least one more The Night Dragon

That hadn’t been destroyed.

And one was too many.

Fight of The Night. Dragon(s).

Night Dragon(s)

The plan was simple:

There was no plan.

The backup plan was even simpler:

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!”

The secret backup plan was decidedly less simple:

“Run away and let the rest of those chumps die.”

Suffice it to say, their expectations of victory were not high.

The Dragon of The Night was, by then, boiling the river with it’s river-boiling nose fumes

Whilst trying to think up a catchier name for its river-boiling nose fumes than river-boiling nose fumes.

Since it was facing the river,

The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon, The Night Dragon and The Night Dragon formed a semi-circle behind it,

Pretty much cornering the eleven billion foot tall, planet destroying monster of unspeakable death and destruction.

It hadn’t noticed their presence yet.

Despite the fact that it had earlier declared it to be “on.”

They didn’t have any guns or anything,

Which seemed pretty shortsighted,

But the creature was so big that satellites in low orbit were crashing into its head without bothering it much

So they figured guns wouldn’t make much of a difference.

The Night Dragon, seeing that none of his companions was going to suddenly shout “Eureka!” and start enacting an amazing plan, decided to force the issue.

The shouted “Eureka!” even though he didn’t have an amazing plan,

And started doing pretty much anything he could think off.

First he picked up a glass juice bottle that was on the ground near him,

Then he ran up to the Dragon of the Night,

Which was still not paying attention,

And broke the end off the bottle on the dragon’s scales.

The Dragon of the Night did not seem to be perturbed by this development.

The Night Dragon pressed his attack,

Climbing The Dragon of the Night’s scales

And stabbing it in said scales over and over with the broken bottle,

To little effect.

Meanwhile, The Night Dragon had stolen an abandoned helicopter

And started flying it around

While The Night Dragon, his passenger, leaned out the window

And threw volume after volume of the Oxford English Dictionary at The Dragon of the Night.

The Dragon of The Night seemed to notice that attack, at least,

For it took its head out of the river

And looked up at the helicopter with a look of general bemusement upon its enormous and terrifying face.

Before it could brutally murder the two The Night Dragons who were so misguidedly attacking it,

(It hadn’t noticed The Night Dragon slowly climbing its back, stabbing it over and over, yet)

The Night Dragon appeared,

As if from nowhere

At the helm of LEGENDARY DEMOLITION DERBY CHAMPION CAR The Night Dragon

Because of course the car was named The Night Dragon,

What else would you expect it to be named?

Charles?

That’s not even a good name for a car,

Especially one that’s good at crashing into things backwards.

Which, incidentally, is what The Night Dragon did.

She crashed The Night Dragon, backwards, into The Dragon of The Night,

Which distracted it, thereby saving the lives of The Night Dragon and The Night Dragon.

So things were going about as well as anyone could have hoped.

The Dragon of The Night gave a mighty roar just then,

Because even though it wasn’t actually injured at all by all the piddly attacks,

It was still angry about the sheer presumptuousness of  that group of puny mortals.

And wouldn’t you be?

But while it was distracting itself roaring,

The Night Dragon,

Who’d recently watched a bunch of superhero movies through some people’s windows

Whilst eating their garbage,

Decided to do an impression of the only superhero it had ever seen that shared a species with it,

Produced a rocket launcher as if from nowhere,

And shot an explosive rocket into The Dragon of the Night’s exposed and vulnerable underbelly.

The only problem was that “vulnerable” was, in this case, a relative term.

It was still pretty much impossible to harm.

So the rocket exploded and it didn’t amount to much.

It did manage to make The Dragon of The Night even angrier, though.

Which wasn’t nothing.

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