The Night (Dragon(s)) of Excellent Customer Service


Soon, the receptionist was on the phone

With a technician

Who was already working on fixing the cell tower.

The receptionist told that technician to hurry up,

Because not fixing the tower fast enough would probably result

In the destruction of all human life.

The technician said no.

The receptionist said “Yes!”

The technician said “Stop bothering me.”

The receptionist said “No!”

The technician said “Bye.”

The receptionist said “Don’t you dare hang up on me!”

The technician had already hung up the phone.

The receptionist called the technician back.

The technician didn’t answer.

The receptionist called the technician back from a different line.

The technician said “What?”

The receptionist said “Stop talking on the phone and fix the cell tower faster!”

The technician said “Think about what you just said.”

The receptionist thought about what she had just said.

The two of them sat on the line in silence for a good long time

While the receptionist thought.

The Night Dragon, meanwhile, said “Can we hurry things along here?

“There’s kind of a Dragon of the Night situation going on.”

The receptionist said “Shh!”

The technician said “I didn’t say anything.”

The receptionist said “Shh to you too!”

The technician hung up on her.

The receptionist called the technician back from the first phone line

And got no answer.

Then she called the technician from the second phone line

And got no answer.

Then she found the super secret third phone line,

Which was actually her cell phone,

And she called the technician from that phone.

The technician said “For the love of The Night Dragon,

“Why do you keep bothering me?”

The receptionist said: “My cell phone works.”

The technician said: “Congratulations.”

The receptionist said: “Your cell phone works.”

The technician said: “Sure does.”

The receptionist hung up on the technician.

The technician called back on all three of the receptionists lines at the same time

Just to be a jerk.

But the receptionist didn’t answer.

She was more interested in customer service,

And thus she was busy servicing the customer.


“It appears that the cell tower is already fixed.

“Service has been restored.

“Is there anything else we can help you with today?”

The Night Dragon looked at the receptionist,

And she almost said something.

But there was no time.

And there were so many phone ringing in that room

That it made it hard to concentrate.

So she ran back outside

And stole a new motorcycle.

The Night Dragon(s) Congeal


In the river of lava

A bunch of people had recently melted.

People named The Night Dragon.

Also a raccoon of the same name.

But this lava wasn’t normal lava,

Because this lava was still underground

Even though the ground above it had been removed.

It was, therefore, an unholy combination

A sort of “lava-magma,” which inexplicably

Gave it magical properties.

Those magical properties included the ability to not kill people

(And raccoons)

That fell into it and melted.

They still melted,

Because the magic didn’t make the lava-magma not super hot

Because then it would just be rocks and no one would even care.

So all those The Night Dragons

Who were in the lava-magma and melted and not dead

Started to congeal together

Along with some rocks and bicycles and a bunch of plantains and stuff

Into one magically-infused super organism

The likes of which had never been seen.

Thing was, since they were all still alive

They all had their own minds

(Except for the plantains,

Which function as a sort of hive-mind,

As everyone knows)

And since it was super hot in the river of lava-magma

All of those minds were very busy being in pain

So none of them knew that they had congealed together

Into one magically-infused super organism

The likes of which had never been seen.

If they’d know they probably could have climbed out of the river

And maybe punched the Dragon of the Night in the face

Or something.

But they didn’t and thus they couldn’t.

So this part of the story was kind of a demonstration of tragic irony.

And also a tragic wasting-of-time

Since it isn’t going to affect the rest of the story.


Reception(ist) of the Night Dragon(s)

Night Dragon

Things were going poorly.

The lava river had consumed the vast majority of The Night Dragons.

As a matter of fact, let’s just assume that all of them

Except for one (The Night Dragon)

Were thrown or dropped into the lava river

While you weren’t paying attention.

So now The Night Dragon was alone,

Face to face with the Dragon of the Night

Metaphorically, of course,

Because the Dragon of the Night’s face

Was like six hundred feet off the ground.

She knew that she was ultimately responsible for unleashing this unstoppable terror upon the world

Since she’d taken out cell service,

And she made no move to retreat

For she had accepted death.

And then she realized something!

And she made a move to retreat!

She made lots of moves to retreat,

Including hopping on a conveniently placed motorcycle

And driving on that motorcycle away from the Dragon of the Night

Who was temporarily distracted by the discovery of a series of satellites in geosynchronous orbit,

Which it was eating.

The Night Dragon drove all the way to The Night Dragon Power, Telephone, and Other Stuff Company offices

And she kicked down the front door

By crashing her motorcycle through it.

The receptionist walked over and helped her up,

Because the receptionist considered herself a nice person

And wouldn’t allow the shock of the motorcycle crash to stop her from helping a person.

Then The Night Dragon, who had a mild concussion,

Jumped to her feet

Despite the fact that she had already been helped to her feet

Which made her fall to the floor

After which she jumped (slowly) to her feet.

Then she told the receptionist to have someone fix the cell tower.

The receptionist blinked at her.



In the river of lava


Was happening.

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