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I’m a terrible blogger

There’s no real blog post for this week.  I blame society.  Also, I blame the guy who crashed into my car this afternoon.  He probably traveled back in time and stopped me from writing/posting yesterday and the day before.  Which is just inconsiderate.

Have a night vision picture of a mouse!  And now all is forgiven.

In other news, be sure to check out Kirk Griffin’s Short Stories with Capt. Kirk on iTunes or his website.  He read The New Program in three parts!  I’m excited.

Catch you next week with something more substantial that almost certainly won’t involve an acrostic poem in French.  Almost certainly.

The Night Dragons have line breaks wherever they damn well please!


Lots of time passed
Enough that you probably forgot what was happening in the story.
Still, The Night
Dragons, in their molten lava form
Remained locked in mortal combat
Against The Dragon of the Night.  Any hope of a swift victory was
Now that The Night Dragons
Saw that The
Dragon of the Night was
Essentially impervious to harm.  As such, they were
Around for something they could use as a weapon–it was clear by the-
N that they knew they couldn’t just lava the thing to death–but
Unfortunately, just about everything
The area had been smashed into
Extremely small and useless fragments.
Clearly The Night Dragons were going to need to
Rethink their strategy.  Deep
Inside The Lava The Night Dragon’s
Viscera, our heroes argu-
Ed about the
Next strategy
To try.  Mostly they argue that there were no good strategies to try.
Undaunted, the last The
Night Dragon to be absorbed by The Lava The Night Dragon offered a
Plan, and she was willing to shout this plan
Over and over until
Everyone stopped trying to shout over her and actually listened to the stupid thing.
Mainly, she just wanted to stall until another Deus
Ex Machina showed up
And saved the day.
Clearly this plan wasn’t actually wo-
Rth shouting
Over and over over everyone else, as it was actually a pretty
Tupid plan, but she felt like
It was the best option they had.
Quantitatively speaking, I’d say banking on something
Expected to deal with the single largest
Evil in the k-
Nown universe had approximately no chance of working.
Far-fetched is what I’m saying.
Really, though, their giant Lava The Night Dragon body had just had its
Arms ripped off.
Now The Dragon of the Night had their right arm
Clamped in its jaws
And was using
It to
Slap them across th-
E face repeatedly
Couldn’t actually fe-
El the
Slaps on account of how
TThe Lava The Night Dragon didn’t have a central nervous system,
And even if it had, I mean, how would they all have been hooked u-
P into it at the same time?  That doesn’t
Even make sense.  B-
Ut still, it was jarring being sla-
Pped a-
Round with your own hand like that.  So th-
Ey started running away.  But they hand to run away kind of
Slowly because they were this big, huge, super destructive thing and they didn’t want to destroy stuff bigly, huge-
Ly or superly.  The Dragon of the Night was thus able to chase after them and continue hitting them without much trouble.
At least it was able to until it started laughing super hard because of the sheer ridiculousness of the situation.  Then the lava arm fell out of its
Mouth and the game was over.  It was time for it to start
Eviscerating the crap out of them.  To that end, The Dragon of The Night lept up into the air so high that
It went past where the air ends, sunk a c-
Law into the moon, and came p-
Lummeting down moon-first on The Lava The Night Dragon.  Th-
E moon smashed their collective face into the gro-
Und.  Lava splatte-
Everywhere.  The Night Dragons still didn’t a-
Ctually feel any pain, because t-
Hhey still didn’t share in the nerv-
System that didn’t
Exist.  But what they
Did feel was terror.  Because, even though they were probably
All already dead, or at least somethi-
Ng like it, they
Had just had their collective heads smashed
In by the moon.  And that’s
Scary.  Plus
There was a giant The Dragon
Of the Night on top of them, holding a recently-smashed-
In-half moon and t-
Rying to decide how b-
Est to move forward with its brutal mur-
Dering of them,
Even though they probab-
Ly weren’t actually alive anyways.  The
Horrible monster just kind of posed there menacingly for a long time.  Way longer that it needed to, since it made its m-
Method-decision after like two seconds.  It was
Almost like it was tryi-
Ng to stall to he-
Ighten the
Tension.  Or like it was waiting for a Deus
Ex Machina of its own.  Or something.

The Volunteer – launch day!

The appointed day has arrived!

The Volunteer is reporting for duty.

Check it out on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kobo, or Smashwords.

Want to read a little more about The Volunteer?  Check out my interview on Ink, maps and macarons.

Just a reminder, today is the last day to get Beaten for just $0.99!  The price reverts to normal 6/1.

I’m keeping things a bit on the brief side today because there’s a giant hailstorm going on and my power keeps going out.

Happy reading!

Six day warning

Less than a week left. Thank you all for your support, and for your eyeballs! Who’s ready to retreat into the dark …

Crazy week

This week has been (and continues to be) crazy, so I’m going to have to stay brief and aggregate a few links …

Chapter 1

Enclosed, for your reading pleasure, a sneak preview of The Volunteer, available for preorder now and out everywhere 5/31. A terrible screeching sound …

Spring sale!

And it’s time to switch gears, folks. The New Program is up and running on its own right now–I’m stunned by how …

Post-launch excitement

Wow.  It’s been quite a time these last few days.  I’d like to take a breath here. The New Program launched on …

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