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You want announcements? #TheVolunteer

We’ve got announcements!

First off, as you may have already noticed, we’ve done some redecorating.  Lots of little tweaks here and there, on the book pages and things.  More changes to come.

Secondly: I’ve got a book cover for you.  It looks almost nothing like the book cover I shared way back in the olden days.

The Volunteer - Cover

So there’s that.  In the name of The Volunteer, I hereby lay claim to the hashtag #TheVolunteer too.  :Þ.

Third on the agenda…another book cover!

The New Program - Cover

Wait…what’s this?  This wasn’t even going to exist a week ago, but it exists now.  The New Program is a novella, similar in length to Break, and sharing a universe with them.  It’s going to be out soon, and it’s going to be free.  Permanently.  So we’ve got that going for us.

I’m fighting with myself right now on whether or not to just announce the release date for The Volunteer, but I think it’s going to stay under wraps for the time being.  It’s set, though.  And the book is done.  Looking forward to spring.  These are exciting times.

The Limited-Time Offer of the Night (Dragon(s))


The Night Dragon crashed
Her second stolen motorcycle
Into the revolving door
At the front of the MacGuffin Brands Giant Cell Phone Emporium.
The motorcycle exploded,
Blowing the door (which was unlocked) to pieces
Thereby allowing The Night Dragon to enter
Once she pulled herself up off the pavement
And verified that she only had a few broken bones.
Immediately upon entering the MacGuffin Brands Giant Cell Phone Emporium,
Which had recently renamed itself to The Night Dragon Brands Giant The Night Dragon Cell Phone The Night Dragon (the new signs weren’t finished yet),
The Night Dragon was accosted by twelve different sales representatives
Each of whom said some variation of the following words:
“Welcome to The Night Dragon Brands Giant The Night Dragon Cell Phone The Night Dragon,
Formerly known and MacGuffin Brands Giant Cell Phone Emporium.
We all work as a team here and pride ourselves on our
low pressure sales environment.
With that said,
Can we interest you in a The Night Dragon 5: The Night Dragon phablet?
If you buy in the next four seconds it’s only $1.25.
Though, sadly, while I was talking, that promo expired
And now the price is $140,002,700.
Luckily for you we have a flash sale starting in twelve second
Which lowers the price back down to $999.99
With purchase of any thirty accessories,
And nine supplemental accessories,
And service plan,
And maintenance plan,
And service maintenance plan,
And under coating,
And undertaking,
And fish maintenance plan,
And The Night Dragon plan,
Along with a low-low one-time fee
(due every month during your regular billing cycle)
Of $600,000.”
The Night Dragon punched one of these sales people in the face at random
Just to make the insanity stop.
They seemed to get the message.
Then she said:
“I need your biggest cell phone in order to save the world from The Dragon of The Night.”
The sales team gasped in unison.
“Surely you can’t afford our biggest cell phone,”
Said they, all at the same time,
Which was creepy.
“But I can,”
Said she,
“Which I will prove to you just as soon as you get me the phone.”
They conferred amongst themselves for about seven years
Before finally deciding that they liked the cut of her gib, and would
Agree to get her the cell phone before she paid for the cell phone
For the low, low, one-time, low, once-in-a-lifetime, low again, price of $3,412.211211212112121211111.
While they were conferring like that,
The Night Dragon chose to take matters into her own hands.
She went in the back of the store and stole a cell phone
That was roughly the size of an aircraft carrier.
Using a hydraulic lift that she had handy for some reason,
She threw the thing onto a truck that was parked inside the store
And big enough to carry the giant phone,
And drove the whole thing out of the place,
Running over several motorcycles in the process.

President Shinra

Fake President Donald Trump seems like he was built in a lab somewhere expressly for the purpose of drawing comparisons with every villain that’s come before him, both real and fake.  The Hitler comparison comes up more often than any other–besides, maybe, Nixon–while Benito Mussolini is probably a better parallel for the guy’s politics.  Then there’s the idea that his campaign was pure Audrey II, his relationship with the press at this point seems to actually be based on Orwell, and he goes after his enemies like Negan with a baseball bat.  We’ve got The Joker reading his tweets, he’s stealing foreign policy positions from Westeros, and there are theories that he’s literally the Death Star floating around the Internet.  The guy is literally leaning on Andrew Jackson to justify his actions.  I’m starting to wonder if his whole plan is to undercut any attempts to satirize him by physically transforming himself into C. Montgomery Burns.

But I was thinking about video games from the nineties the other day, because sometimes that’s the only thing I can do to stop myself from retweeting literally everything negative I see about Cheeto Voldemort, when I thought of one I hadn’t seen yet.  And then I dug into it a bit.  Turns out they match up pretty well….It's Trump, only thinner and with better hair.


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