The Night Dragon(s) get(s) a thorough beatdown


The Dragon of the Night hit The Lava The Night Dragon
In its lava face
With its (non-lava) tail
Sending The Lava The Night Dragon sprawling to the ground.
The Dragon of the Night was burned slightly about the scales
In the places where it had made contact with the lava
But it really wasn’t enough of a burn to matter
And The Dragon of the Night was too angry and dangerous to care anyways.
The Lava The Night Dragon pushed itself up to its knees
And was kicked in the stomach
Then pushed itself up farther
And got kicked even harder.
Things were not going well.
All of the Dead The Night Dragons inside The Lava The Night Dragon
Were disconnected from any pain receptors The Lava The Night Dragon had,
If a giant being composed of lava could,
In fact,
Feel pain.
Which it almost certainly couldn’t,
As this was clearly a golem-type situation.
But while we were distracted thinking about lava pain,
The Lava The Night Dragon was getting body slammed
On top of some buildings with those spikes on the top
That are supposed to be for lightning or planes or something
But are really just there for impaling giant monsters
During the inevitable giant monster battle.
It turned out that The Night Dragons were not very good at piloting their golem-thing
As they hadn’t yet come up with a system for working together
That didn’t involved bickering and attacking each other.
Something had to be done,
As The Dragon of the Night was throwing a bunch of trucks at them
As they hung,
On some random tall building.
Some of the trucks had gasoline tanks.
Those ones exploded pretty good
When they crashed into the person made of lava.
They were going to need to generate another Deus Ex Machina
For themselves,
In addition to the previous,
Generally ineffective Deus Ex Machinas
That they’d been working with to that point.
But perhaps,
Thought The Night Dragon,
(The first one,
Who you met about a thousand chapters ago)
They were going about things the wrong way.
Perhaps they didn’t need a Deus Ex Machina.
Perhaps they needed a The Night Dragon Ex Machina.
Or a Deus Ex The Night Dragon.
Or maybe a The Night Dragon Ex The Night Dragon.
The point was to believe in yourself,
I guess?
I’m not really clear on the underlying plan.

Post-launch excitement

Wow.  It’s been quite a time these last few days.  I’d like to take a breath here.
The New Program launched on 3/29, two weeks ago today.  Due to some technical difficulties it was free everywhere but on Amazon for the first 11 days.  Still, by any measure I had more downloads (and sales) than I’ve ever had in the 11 days after launch.  That was to be expected, free books are free, but still.  Helps the ego.  🙂
Then, on 4/10, Amazon came through with the price match.  I don’t know what I expected, but the download rate blew my mind.  In the first day, The New Program climbed into the top 100 in two different categories, and the top 10,000 overall.  The second day, it hit the top 15 in those categories (90 Minute Mystery, Thriller and Suspense and Espionage Thrillers) and the top 4,000 overall.  As of right now it’s sitting at:
My head has pretty much exploded.  The response is overwhelming, and there aren’t even any reviews yet.
The Volunteer‘s launch is coming at the end of May, just seven weeks from today.  Between then and now I’m having my first ever sale–Beaten is now available under Kindle Unlimited (which makes it free any time if you’re a member) and will be free for the general public for the first five days of May.  After that I’m planning to keep it at a discounted rate (hasn’t been finalized yet) for the balance of May.  Then The Volunteer comes out and I hide in a dark corner for a while while the anxiety washes over me, and we move on to the next thing (The Primer, book 5 is coming down the pipe…I’ve got most of a rough draft already).
If you haven’t read any of my stories, now is probably the best time you could possibly start fiscally speaking.  The New Program is available for free on all major eBook outlets.  Break is available for free on this very website, and Beaten will be free on Amazon 5/1/17-5/5/17.  All three currently available stories in The Primer, free for all, in anticipation of The Volunteer launching at the end of May.  Exciting stuff.
A reader asked me to point out that all three (four, really) stories can be read as independent, stand-alone works of fiction.  So here I am pointing that out: you don’t need to read Break to understand Beaten, you don’t need to read Beaten to get The New Program, and so on through all the other combinations.  You can jump in in whatever order you’d like.  :).
There you have it.  Still working on putting my brain back together from the excitement of the launch.  Catch you next week, and thanks for reading.

Afterlife of The Night Dragon(s)


The Night Dragon awoke quite suddenly
In a strange,
Glowing red room.
The Night Dragon was there.
So was The Night Dragon,
The Night Dragon,
The Night Dragon,
And you get the idea.
They were all there.
The most recently deceased amongst them,
The Night Dragon,
Was like:
“Am I dead?”
To which the raccoon The Night Dragon responded:
And the vampire The Night Dragon,
Who was used to the fact that the raccoon The Night Dragon
Had recently learned to speak,
Elaborated thusly:
“We’re pretty sure we all died.
“We’re also pretty sure the lava we fell in was magic.”
At which point the Order of the Militant Grammarians The Night Dragon interjected:
“It was magma.
“It was underground when we fell in.”
Which led the evil The Night Dragon to stab him in the face,
Which didn’t do anything,
Lending credence to the idea that they were all already dead.
The Night Dragon,
Being dead,
Was cured of her medical inability to be daunted.
She was,
A conversation began immediately.
The long and short of that conversation,
Which was long in content
But short in time
Because of the apocalyptic situation going on outside,
Was that now that they were all dead
And didn’t have to worry about being killed any more,
And were furthermore in control of a giant lava person
They were going to use their giant lava power to defeat
The Dragon of the Night
Once and for all.
It seemed,
To The Night Dragon,
To be a better plan than all of the other ones they’d tried,
Which were pretty much all doomed from the get-go.
There was a problem,
It turned out that,
While they were having this long and short conversation inside the body of the lava person
The Dragon of The Night was still in the world outside
And it was beating the crap out of the lava person
With its various dragonly appendages.

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